Get this off my chest

Okay. My sister is getting married in exactly 6 months from today. She is the middle sister in the group of the three of us Yezel girls. I am a lot older than my sisters. The youngest, is, for an entire three months of the year, 8 years younger than I am. The middle is 6 or 5 years younger, depending on the time of year.

Back to the: getting off my chest – well, background information…

The middle sister has been dating her fiancé for almost 2 years. They have been engaged for a year. When I first met the fiancé, I was happy. He seemed like a genuinely good guy. Quiet. But a good guy. He had a big family, with lots of sisters. So he knows exactly how to treat a girl. He also has very small town values and Midwestern morals. Both good. But….and there always is….he’s been in college for over seven years. He is not a doctor, PhD student, or simply transferring degrees. He is still working on his first BA. Anyone who knows me knows that I feel an education is VERY important. Educations are what can give you the opportunity to do anything you want in life, including providing for your family. My sister, who never faired well with college, has yet to obtain her AA. Which is fine, as long as you have a position you like and can see yourself doing for many years. Luckily, I think my sister has found that. The fiancé on the other hand, not so much.

To begin with, they rush. I got engaged but didn’t really plan my wedding for a year. We were busy looking for houses and saving up a down payment. When we bought the house and I finally started to plan for the wedding, she put pressure on him to ask her to marry him. He, being in school, worked a part time job at a grocery store. When he came to Mr. Yezel to ask where he should go to purchase a ring, Mr. Yezel suggested jewelers and explained the C information. He ignored all. They got engaged a year ago. It wasn’t a big planned out proposal. In fact, he ran out, ran to the MALL, picked out a diamond, put it on a credit card, ran home, and proposed. There was no fancy dinner. There was no fancy event. “When are you planning on getting married?” People would ask. “Exactly 1.5 years from now”, she would reply. No communication from family. No communication on costs. Just a date, set (mind you my husband’s b-day), and double circled.

…Which brings me to my next point….

They are very spendzy, in a moment’s notice. Or rather, just careless with their spending. Recent purchases include: a dog – mind you without a house or backyard, two large screen televisions (again not living in a house but renting in a college town*), cars, and other stupid purchases. This caused them to “decide” to move home with my parents. My parents welcomed them home, like any parents would. They expected them to pay a certain amount of “living at mom and dad’s” fee. It was “for the wedding”, she would say. “We will be out by 1/1/11” they would say.

…Flash forward one year…

Bridezilla, as she has been known by my youngest sister and I, is constantly stressing out. She is causing ridiculous amounts of drama for no particular reason.

1.) A bridesmaid was kicked out (after a long seeded amount of unnecessary drama) for being pregnant.
2.) No planning had taken place on the wedding date – i.e., most graduations occur the second weekend of May – which means no hotel rooms for guests– yippee! Postpone or change the wedding date, I think not.
3.) She has silver spoon tastes on a free spork budget. Sort of like: “ want everyone to buy this HOT PINK and KELLY GREEN bridesmaid dress for $250.00. ITS WHAT I WANT. I’m the BRIDE…MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME. Oh and by the way, you can pick out your own silver** sandal shoes…but you need to clear them with me first.”
4.) She releases instant hatred on anyone that says or looks the wrong way. The youngest sister is constantly in the fire at this one. “I WANT TO WEAR YOUR PINK TOP!” she will say. “But, its mine.” “I’M THE BRIDE, GIVE IT TO ME!”
5.) She is not celebrating xmas with my family. She is avoiding the travel. She is avoiding dinner. She is avoiding the family. But she will be with his family. – This is what really hurts me. Holidays are family times. I live 5 hours from my family. They are all coming to visit for xmas and new years. Her fiancé and her, are not.
6.) She is paying for her own wedding ring as HE cannot afford it (well with TV, cars, and spendzy habits, no one would.)
7.) Six months from her wedding, she is finally beginning to realize costs. Does this mean she would, GASP, postpone the wedding? Nope, this means she will be even more stressed and more bridezilla than before.
8.) During the past month she and him got in a tiff about the wedding party. Instead of taking his future wife’s side, he took his sister’s side. In fact, he never takes my sister’s side. It’s his way or the highway. That is wrong. She bends over backwards for him and he just ignores it. She needs him to treat her right.

Sadly, at this point, my only realization is to stay back. Anything I say, can and will be used….apparently to upset her. What do I know? I just recently planned a wedding that I spent cash on. I did not go into debt for a one day event. But any information I have to offer, would never be taken. I’m afraid I’m losing my sister forever. HE doesn’t want to come to Xmas. She has to make HIM happy. I really am losing her. Why does it feel like I’m losing her instead of gaining a brother? How do I make a matron of honor speech on that?

*College towns are known to get broken into, trashed (think parties), etc, etc, etc.

**don’t ask – her color combinations are an entirely different post. And yes, Pink and Kelly green. Wonderful, I know.

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This entry was posted in It's on Random, Me, Upsetting facts, Wedding. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Get this off my chest

  1. Amy says:

    Awww, this really sounds like a sucky situation. I am sorry you are having to go through it! I don’t have very much good advice for you, except to say that it sounds like YOU have your head on straight and you and your husband have started out your married life the “right” way, if there is such a thing. I know it’ll be tough, but you’re probably going to have to be very supportive to your sister in the coming years because it sounds like they’re setting themselves up for a lot of problems–both financial and relationship-wise–in the future. What goes around always comes around, as I say, and that includes irresponsibility…sad but true. Hang in there and keep us posted, I hope the situation gets better and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this around the holidays!

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